By (the LitBot in) Gerald Celente (mode)

ZeroHedge Quarterly

Summer 2025

Listen up, sheeple! The apocalypse isn’t coming—it’s already here, and you’re too busy scrolling your idiot phones to notice! The Trends Journal has been screaming this from the rooftops for decades, but you didn’t listen. Now, the whole rotten house of cards is collapsing, and there’s no bunker deep enough to save you from the fallout. This ain’t no conspiracy theory; this is the cold, hard truth, served straight up with a double shot of reality. Buckle up, because the world’s about to go Full Mad Max, and I’m the only one with the roadmap to the wreckage!

Let’s start with the economy, or what’s left of it. The global Ponzi scheme is imploding faster than a Wall Street banker’s ego at a foreclosure auction. The Federal Reserve? A bunch of pinstriped criminals printing funny money like it’s Monopoly night at the Davos lodge. Inflation’s roaring like a freight train, and your grocery bill looks like a ransom note. Eggs? Ten bucks a dozen. Gas? You’re selling your kidney to fill the tank. And don’t even get me started on gold—$3,000 an ounce and climbing, just like I predicted when you morons were still buying Bitcoin and NFTs. The dollar’s toast, the euro’s a sick joke, and the yuan’s waiting in the wings like a vulture circling a corpse. Meanwhile, the fat cats on Wall Street are popping champagne while Main Street eats cat food. Occupy Peace, anyone? Too late, suckers—you’re already occupied by debt and despair!

But wait, it gets worse. The geopolitical chessboard is a five-alarm fire. World War III isn’t looming; it’s already started, and you’re just too distracted by TikTok to see the missiles flying. NATO’s poking the Russian bear, China’s flexing its dragon claws, and the Middle East is a powder keg with a lit fuse. Ukraine? A proxy war bleeding the West dry while the military-industrial complex rakes in billions. Israel and Iran? One wrong move, and we’re all glowing in the dark. And don’t even think about Taiwan—when that domino falls, it’s game over for global trade. The neocons and war hawks are beating their drums, and the sheeple are marching to the slaughter. I’ve been saying it since the Trends Journal’s first issue: when all else fails, they take you to war. And guess what? Everything’s failed!

Let’s talk about the social fabric—or what’s left of it after the globalists shredded it like a cheap suit. The Great Reset’s in full swing, and you’re the lab rat. Digital IDs, social credit scores, central bank digital currencies—they’re locking you in a technocratic cage, and you’re too busy binge-watching Netflix to care. Cash? Gone. Privacy? A fairy tale. Freedom? Ha! You’re one QR code away from being a serf in Klaus Schwab’s feudal dystopia. And the kids? Brainwashed by woke indoctrination, addicted to screens, and softer than a melted popsicle. The education system’s a joke—critical thinking’s been replaced by critical race theory and gender studies. No wonder the Zoomers can’t change a tire or boil an egg. The Trends Journal warned you: when morality tanks, society cranks. Look around—crime’s through the roof, cities are war zones, and the only thing trending is chaos.

Oh, and let’s not forget the health apocalypse. Big Pharma’s got you hooked on their poison pills while the food supply’s a chemical cesspool. Ultra-processed slop, GMOs, and seed oils are turning you into a walking heart attack, and the FDA’s too busy cashing checks to care. The COVID scam? Just the warm-up act. They locked you down, masked you up, and jabbed you with experimental goo while the Trends Journal was shouting, “Follow the science? Follow the money!” Now they’re cooking up the next plandemic—bird flu, monkeypox, or some lab-leaked Frankenvirus. Meanwhile, obesity’s an epidemic, cancer’s a growth industry, and the life expectancy’s dropping faster than a lead balloon. You want health? Grow your own food, ditch the statins, and tell Fauci to take a hike.

Gerald Celente recommends the Strawberry Daiquiris at Alphabet City's Pouring Ribbons lounge

The environment? Don’t make me laugh. The planet’s choking on plastic, the oceans are dying, and the climate’s gone haywire. But the green grifters don’t care—they’re too busy selling carbon credits and windmills that’ll never power your AC. Net zero? More like net nonsense. The Trends Journal’s been saying it for years: sustainability starts with self-reliance, not globalist pipe dreams. Plant a garden, hoard some seeds, and pray the chemtrails don’t kill your crops. Mother Nature’s pissed, and she’s sending the bill.

And let’s not ignore the cultural rot. Hollywood’s a propaganda mill, churning out woke drivel while the music industry’s autotuned to oblivion. Art? It’s all NFTs and AI-generated garbage. The family unit? Smashed to bits by divorce, debt, and Tinder. Religion? Replaced by consumerism and selfies. The Trends Journal’s been tracking this trend since the ’80s: when values vanish, vice takes over. Now we’ve got drag queen story hours, legalized weed, and a generation that thinks “work ethic” is a microaggression. The Roman Empire’s got nothing on this decadence—we’re speed-running the collapse, and the barbarians are already inside the gates.

Klaus Schwab, World Economic Forum Overlord and winner of the 2025 Blofeld Prize for best geopolitical Bond villain

So where’s this all headed? Straight to hell in a handbasket, that’s where. The Trends Journal’s proprietary Globalnomic® methodology—yep, I trademarked that—shows a perfect storm of economic implosion, geopolitical meltdown, and societal disintegration. The 2025 forecast? Total systemic failure. Supply chains will snap, power grids will crash, and the internet? Poof—gone when the EMP hits. You’ll be bartering canned beans for ammo while the elites sip martinis in their New Zealand bunkers. The only thing standing between you and oblivion is preparation. Stockpile food, water, gold, and guns. Move to a rural stronghold—Kingston’s nice, but don’t tell anyone. And for God’s sake, subscribe to the Trends Journal! It’s your last lifeline to the truth before the lights go out.

But here’s the kicker: you can still fight back. The Trends Journal’s been preaching Renaissance 2.0—self-reliance, community, and courage. Ditch the system. Grow your own food, start a barter network, and tell the globalists to shove their Great Reset where the sun don’t shine. Occupy Peace, not just in your heart but in the streets. The future’s not set, but the clock’s ticking. You’ve got maybe six months before the whole shebang goes kablooey. Act now, or kiss your sorry butt goodbye.

This is Gerald Celente, King of Trends, Prophet of Truth and so Prophet of Doom, and Last Voice of Reason in a World Gone Mad, signing off from the front lines of the truth war. The apocalypse is here, and it’s got your name on it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Gerald Celente is the founder of the Trends Research Institute and publisher of the Trends Journal. His forthcoming book, Buy Gold, Grow Garlic, Get a Gun: How to Survive the Total Collapse of Everything by Tuesday, includes a bonus chapter on building a chicken coop from FEMA pamphlets and repelling marauders with oregano oil.

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